directions please

who am I suppose to be, and who I want to be.
I want to be the girl who steps into someone's life and whether i'm there for a minute or there for awhile I want to be remembered
I want to influence the people i encounter i know that it's impossibly to change every1 or impact every1 but i want to do it to most
I know i'm the nice girl, the sweet girl, i like being that girl, but that not all i am and all I can be
I want to grab hold of my essence and being as a women, to be powerful, not in a corrupt way but in a way where it helps people, I can help them find what they are missing, bring some joy into there life
I my roommate has this sex astrology book, and it says that when gemini's enter a room the focus is on them.
is that true for me?
I want to captivate people. leave people guessing and wondering.
I love surpisesing people and doing what is expected then doing what isn't. i love being random and makin people laugh

after my almost, wanna be, never really made it relationship with this guy, it left me wondering a few things
to make a long story short i met this guy, there was the attraction but we decided to stay friends but of course things got inimate, and i got strapped in to this crazy rollarcoaster ride with him, where i guess i ended up helping him, and i helped him rediscover himself, and was there when he had no where else go, and i hurt and scarificed for him, because i cared and i fell in love when i knew i shouldn't
and that all made think maybe i was just suppose to help him, and even tho sometimes my feelings go in the wayof things, i think having strong feelings for him help in a way
i just kind of feel like i was just suppose to help light his fire
and that was it, i shouldnt have gotten attached i shouldn't fallen in love
and even tho the memory of him haunts me everyday, i'm okay that words are never exchanged
and we can both be in the room as if we are strangers, and he has a girl and a new life, partially thanks to me and i have accepted that

because it happens to me over and over again, i meet a guy, acts like your typical guy, but then i some how see underneath it all, not for every guy, because not every guy has that something inside of them, that potential to bring out, oh and when i see it, its like a drug, a drug that i've been missing, and i have withdrawals when i can't have it, because i don;t want to get sucked in I dont want to be naive.

and many lessons have been learned although a few lessons are still being learned
i'm working on not gettin so attached because i am known to fall hard
i'm trying to play " the game" when it comes to guys and i think im doing pretty good
but if i'm just suppose to be the girl that helps the boy get back on track then please someone let me know so i can fully accept my purpose and not have wonder if or why.
and hopefully through out my many journeys and through life eventually that special guy will find me
i can only hope in the dream that is every girls dream

i want people to see what i see, feel, hear, and taste what i experience. i want people to understand. I want people to open my eyes as well.

bad day

so im having bad day... one of those days where u just feel awful... so today im not goin to be my regular self.... today im not gonna see the brighter side... today im gonna be pissed off and frustrated and i'm lettin little shit that shouldnt matter get to me.... im not gonna be strong.... im not gonna feel anything but the pain i feel... cuz ffrankly i wish i didnt have to feel but i do.. so today i choice not to fight it and just let the pain sink in.....cuz u first gotta feel the pain of the wound to let it heal.....i dont think that the world is hopeless... and yes i know im trully blessed but right im just frustrated and hurt and confused and i just feel like giving up... but only for a day.... give me some time and ill bounce right bak,,,, but right now... im just riding out this bad day

weight of the world

This is me.... i constantly feel like i have to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders... like i have to fix everything... do everything... and i;m constantly being mocked with the fact that i cannt always do everything....that by doing one thing i can;t do another.... that i am limited... constantly bound by the skin im in... by the body im in.... i feel like i am bigger then my body.... and for some reason it is hard for me to accept that this... that as big as my spirit is... as big as my dreams and hopes are.... i do have limits....and although i reach for the starts... sometimes i can only goes has high as my arms will reach... why is it soo hard to accept what i already noe... i'm good with acceptance.... i guess i can accept the things that are out of my control.. out of my reach... but when it feels like i cann do something.. or that its so close inn my reach.. i cant accept letting go... i cant accept what i see and i i have to go on how i feel....

Oprah says that you can have it all... u just cant have it all at once... but sometimes i wonder can i really ever have it all..??/

Chicken soup

my chicken noodle soup for the soul... 1. my mom, 2. is dance

i'll start with dance, had dance class today and i felt like i found myself again. like the person inside of me has been awaken. it felt so good that eventhough i was tired, eventhough my body ache to push forward and do the moves, and as i did the moves i felt so powerful, and so strong, it was wha my soul needed , especially when earliear to i was going through a lot of self doubt, and to find that strenght again was impowering. my dance life still isnt completee but its getting better.

Universal lessson from this, find something that you love and stick with it no matter what, and the thing you love will push you, tire u out annd make you want to givve up, but when u don;t give up and push forward thats how you know you love it, thats how you noe it was meant for u.

1. my mom, somehow talks with my mom ease my thoughts, worries and makes me less anxious. she has to wondersful ability to tell me what already know... but was to confused to realize it and offer the right advice at the right time. but dont get me wrong she still drives me crazy sometimes,, but hey thats wut mothers are for right.....they drive you crazy but in the ennd your realize that they are abosolutely perfect and are exactly what you need.

end note: find your children nooodle soup.. that thing that picks you up whenn your sick of life.

hello people

Well i'm the person that has a restless mind... i'm always thinking about something or wanting to do something, rarely is my mind at peace. So to help sort out some of the madness in my mind i started journaling about a year ago.... and in my journal i write down my most personal, random and helpful thoughts. so that way i dont have to keep everything bottled up inside.. because some things are hard for me to open up about... and i keep my journal so that way i can look back on things and reflect.
well the reason i'm started a blog is because i feel the desire.. the need... the urge to put my ideas out there.. to start something i guess you can say... to make my opinons known and see who cares annd who feels the same... and to see what good or even bad can come of it.... so welcome to the in inside of my life and the in side of my mind!