directions please

who am I suppose to be, and who I want to be.
I want to be the girl who steps into someone's life and whether i'm there for a minute or there for awhile I want to be remembered
I want to influence the people i encounter i know that it's impossibly to change every1 or impact every1 but i want to do it to most
I know i'm the nice girl, the sweet girl, i like being that girl, but that not all i am and all I can be
I want to grab hold of my essence and being as a women, to be powerful, not in a corrupt way but in a way where it helps people, I can help them find what they are missing, bring some joy into there life
I my roommate has this sex astrology book, and it says that when gemini's enter a room the focus is on them.
is that true for me?
I want to captivate people. leave people guessing and wondering.
I love surpisesing people and doing what is expected then doing what isn't. i love being random and makin people laugh

after my almost, wanna be, never really made it relationship with this guy, it left me wondering a few things
to make a long story short i met this guy, there was the attraction but we decided to stay friends but of course things got inimate, and i got strapped in to this crazy rollarcoaster ride with him, where i guess i ended up helping him, and i helped him rediscover himself, and was there when he had no where else go, and i hurt and scarificed for him, because i cared and i fell in love when i knew i shouldn't
and that all made think maybe i was just suppose to help him, and even tho sometimes my feelings go in the wayof things, i think having strong feelings for him help in a way
i just kind of feel like i was just suppose to help light his fire
and that was it, i shouldnt have gotten attached i shouldn't fallen in love
and even tho the memory of him haunts me everyday, i'm okay that words are never exchanged
and we can both be in the room as if we are strangers, and he has a girl and a new life, partially thanks to me and i have accepted that

because it happens to me over and over again, i meet a guy, acts like your typical guy, but then i some how see underneath it all, not for every guy, because not every guy has that something inside of them, that potential to bring out, oh and when i see it, its like a drug, a drug that i've been missing, and i have withdrawals when i can't have it, because i don;t want to get sucked in I dont want to be naive.

and many lessons have been learned although a few lessons are still being learned
i'm working on not gettin so attached because i am known to fall hard
i'm trying to play " the game" when it comes to guys and i think im doing pretty good
but if i'm just suppose to be the girl that helps the boy get back on track then please someone let me know so i can fully accept my purpose and not have wonder if or why.
and hopefully through out my many journeys and through life eventually that special guy will find me
i can only hope in the dream that is every girls dream

i want people to see what i see, feel, hear, and taste what i experience. i want people to understand. I want people to open my eyes as well.